Play Girl with the Fellowship
by timberwlf
Summary: The fellowship visits Play Girl HQ for a shoot.... they don't know what kind of trouble they are getting into. Poor photographers...
1. Default Chapter

Play Girl Fellowship

CH1

**** To enjoy this story you must be bonged..... or close to it anyway.******

At Play Girl HQ they were getting ready for a career altering experience.... the Fellowship was coming!!!! They had no clue what was in store for them(poor people).

Outside the fellowship was gathering from their limos. Gandalf was especially with a cart that went 60 mi/hr and was shiny.

"Gandalf..... um... please stop that," asked Pippin nervously. Gandalf was licking the muffler and wiping nose on the window.

"Fool of Took!!! I can do whatever I want!!!!" he picked up his pointy hat and poked Pippin in the eye. Pippin went inside the building to cry on Merry shoulder.

"Get off of me you fruitcake!!!" yelled Merry, pushing Pippin away. Sad Pippin went to Frodo and Sam.

"Can I have a carrot?" asked Pippin pouting. 

"Why would we have a carrot?" asked Sam. "Don't tell me it to get you in the mood?"

"Huh?" asked Pippin

"Well, we are at Play Girl," said Frodo.

"What is play girl?" asked Pippin. "Do we play soccer or something???"

"Not exactly," said Sam. "I can't believe I'm doing this..... Rosie will kick my ass."

"Speaking of ass kicking... it's Aragorn," said Frodo. "Oh, no!!! Great... Pippin will get it now."

Aragorn walked in wearing a thong with Boromir strolling behind him with a whip. Even scarier, Boromir was wearing a G-String.

"Um... dudes.. did you grab Arwen's normal clothing?" asked Pippin. "Oh forgot hat. Do you have a carrot?"

"You sick monkey!!" exclaimed Bormoir and he whipped Pippin on the butt. Startled Pippin ran off to find somebody else who might have a carrot.

He ran into Legolas on the other side of the waiting room. "Leggi? Do you have a nice pointy carrot?" asked Pippin.

"Since I'm NOT the pervert everyone thinks I am I will assume you mean the veggetable. And no, sorry I have no carrot" said Legolas.

Suddenly Gimli walked out of the bathroom... wearing a hula skirt.

"What the hell are you wearing that for???? asked Legolas.

"To show off my beautiful......" he began.

"Do you have a carrot?" asked Pippin.

"You sick twisted little pudding cup!" yelled Gimli and started hitting Pippin with his braids.

Pippin, running off again, not understanding what everybody's problem was with the carrot, found Gandalf again.

"Hello, my boy," said Gandalf cheerfully," are you ready for the shoot? They are ready for us!"

"Someone is going to shoot us????" asked Pippin in horror.

"Noooooo!!!!! " yelled Aragorn. "Wea re modeling for a magazine."

"What's a magazine?" asked Pippin.

"Fool of a Took!!" cried Gimli. "Just follow us."


	2. Ch2 The Shoot

****

CH2: The Shoot

"Hello!!!" greeted a girl as they walked in the door. "My name is Livvie and I will be the photographer."

"What's a photographer?" whispered Pippin to Frodo. Frodo just rolled his eyes and continued to listen.

"Um, I have a small question?" asked Legolas.

"What is it ?" asked Livvie.

"Why are we doing this again? I don't understand. I mean no offense to my companions(looking at Boromir, Gimli, and Aragorn in fear), but some of them in a revealing magazine is just a scary thought. And, err, Pippin is not exactly up to speed and seems to live under a rock. He doesn't understand this kind of stuff," said Legolas.

"Awe... he's adorable!" squeeled a girl who just came in, pinching Pippin's cheek.

Blushing, Pippin pushed her away and asked, "Who are you?"

"I am Kerri, the wardrobe girl," said Kerri ruffling his hair.

"What wardrobe???" asked Merry.

"Well, I would hope that _some _of you would wear some form of clothing," she glanced in Gimli's direction.

"Anybody else we have to meet?" asked Gimli doing the hula. "I am ready to be voted sexiest dwarf alive."

Everyone paused for a minute, even the lighting people and busted out laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked a girl who came in behind them.

"Hello there," said Legolas and gently put her hand to his lips and kissed it. "and you are?"

"I am Katie," said Katie with a giggle, " and I'm the make up artist."

"WHY DO PEOPLE THINK I'M NOT SEXY??????????" bellowed Gimli picking up his axe. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He started running around the room, randomly chasing people and breaking various objects.

"Great, a diva complex," moaned Kerri slapping her forehead.

"Do you get those a lot?" asked Boromir.

"Usually only on the hair types," she answered.

"Let's move to the costuming, shall we? If Kerri is ready that is," suggested Livvie, as Boromir started copying her movements.

"But what about Gimli?" asked Aragorn. 

"Hopefully, if we get lucky he will go on a long enough rampage and miss the shoot," said Gandalf.

"Let's hurry then," said Katie.

They quickly followed Kerri into the dressing room.

"Actually, I don't want to do this," said Gandalf, turning around and leaving. "I feel old."

He was looking at the wardrobe, which were small, revealing garments.

"Oh nonsense," said Sam. "You aren't that old." He moved to grab Gandalf's arm and bring it back into the room.

"You shall not touch me!!!!!!" yelled Gandalf, and knocked Sam on the floor. In the commotion of Sam being passed out on the floor, Gandalf made his escape.

"Speak to me," begged Frodo, flicking his nose. "What about Rosie, and err.... the kids. Whoever they are!!! They will need you."

"I'll get him up!" came a voice, it was the Gaffer!

"What are you doing here ?" asked Merry.

"the shoot," said Old Gaffer.

"You weren't invited," said Katie and she picked him up by the collar and dragged the Gaffer out screaming, "I will have my day in the spot light!!!!! You will regret this!!!"

Sam then woke up, "Was that my Gaffer?"

"No, just a dream," said Frodo, helping Sam up.

"More like a nightmare," said Aragorn.

Katie came back into the room. "Erm, Legolas, why are you staring?"

Legolas blinked out of his daydream state. "Nothin."

"Come on, we ain't got all day," said Kerri. "Livvie, make sure Gimli continues his rampage and set up the other studio."

Livvie left the room.

"Now, Katie, who should we start with?" asked Kerri.

"Alphabetical order?" suggested Katie, "By first name."

"Okay, then well, I guess. Aragorn, please tell me that you and Boromir aren't going to wear those get-ups," winced Kerri.

"But of course!" exclaimed Aragorn in surprise. "Come on Boromir, let's go find Livvie and she can start taking pics of us."

Just as they left the room, Pippin said, "Have mercy on the poor souls who are going to buy this magazine."

"I hope we don't get fires," mumbled Katie to Kerri.

"I guess we shall start with Frodo," said Kerri, ignoring Katie.

"Can I wear what I normally do?" he asked.

"No!" went Kerri, "You aren't supposed to wear normal clothes."

"Well, can I wear that night shift I had on in Rivendell?" he asked.

"Would you wear anything else?" moaned Kerri.

"Nope," said Frodo, shaking his head.

"Fine then!!! You guys are so conservative!!" cried Kerri.

"That's nice compared to what we normally get," said Katie weakly.

"Shut up! Take him and at least brush his hair and whatever you do!" she yelled at Katie.

"Leave her alone!" yelled Legolas, putting his arm around Katie. "You are talking about my girl."

"When has she been your girl? Oh, screw it! Just wait to see what everyone else is going to wear, or not wear," sighed Kerri. Legolas then took his arm off of Katie. Katie was shaking with fear of Kerri. This gave Legolas an idea.

"Legolas, what are you to wear?" asked Katie.

"You know what? I have a plan!" cried Legolas.

"What???" asked Merry.

"We will all wear our clothes!" answered Legolas.

"What?" yelled Kerri. "Then why are you here?"

"Because you asked?" suggested Pippin nervously.

"No you dimwit! For you to get more recognition!!" she yelled.

"But more people will see us in our clothes," said Sam.

"Fine, if you are all going to be that way, you are all fired, except for that dwarf and freaky dudes!!!" yelled Kerri. "Katie escort them out!"

"Actually, I quit, " said Katie.

"Oh, don't tell me you fell for Legolas?!" asked Kerri.

"No, I am just sick and tired of you pushing me around! You have the easiest job, they never wear much of anything!!!" she yelled back, pushing Kerri into the wall.

"Cat fight!!!" yelled Merry, and everyone in the room sat down next to the wall by the door.

"Anyone have a carrot? Or popcorn?" asked Pippin.

"No, but I wish I had a camera!" chimed Merry.

"Kick her ass Katie!!!" yelled Legolas.

"I am surprised you aren't helping her," said Frodo, putting on his pants and vest.

"I need to see if she can defend herself," said Legolas.

In the end Katie won the fight by ripping out Kerri's tongue ring. 

"Fine then!" mocked Kerri, having trouble talking. "Go to Teen People you losers. Wear your clothes!"

"Hey you remind me of a snake," said Pippin, noticing her tongue, split in two.

"I can't believe I thought you were cute!!! Out!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Kerri, as she through a chair at them as they ran out the door, racing pass Gimli, still wrecking things, and the scariest of all, Boromir and Aragorn modeling.

Once outside Sam said, "That was the scariest morning of my life, including all of the adventures we had with that ring!"

"Especially Gimli in the hula skirt," added Merry.

"Boromir's G-String and whip was worse," said Pippin.

"I guess we should have listened to pointy hat," sighed Frodo.

"If you guys don't mind, can I hang with you for the day and show you the city. You can even stay at my place, my Dad gave it to me. Too rich for his own good. So what do you say?" asked Katie.

"I'm in," said Legolas. The hobbits nodded.

"Great!!!" she exclaimed with a smile to Legolas. "Come on, it's a big city and we only have a day!"


	3. Ch 3 Mag Hits the Racks

Ch3:The Magazine Hits the Racks

The next day, as Katie was showing them the last areas of the city, Sam went to get a newspaper for Frodo.

"Hey!!" he cried motioning to them to come over, "Look at this!"

He was holding Play Girl. Gimli was pictured on the front with a hula skirt. Inside was the scary whip scene with Aragorn and Boromir.

"Eeep!" shrieked Pippin and covered his eyes.

"Glad we weren't there," said Frodo. "Why is this so disturbing?"

"I have no clue," sighed Katie. "I'm happy I quit though. Gucci called last night and asked me to work for their makeup department."

"That's great! I think...." said Legolas, patting her on the shoulder.

"I hope so," said Katie. "Thanks for showing up or I would of had to do that for who knows how long."

Another group of people came up and saw PlayGirl. One said, "Holy dancing monkey terds!!! That is gross. I hope this puts them out of business." They walked away disgusted.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!" cried Katie. The hobbits and Legolas looked at her with horror.

"Sorry," she said.

*****I hope you liked it! I do not know/own Play Girl, or any of the people I put that worked there. They are completely fictional. I know it was cheesy, but I didn't want to get _too_ descriptive. Please R/R nicely.***** 


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